Most importantly, my career was about training and educating people on social justice issues. Talk about how your parents own their house, but don’t talk about how it was almost taken away, or how you the roof leaks now and there’s no money to fix it.
The last thing I wanted to do was come home to a space where I had to continue to educate. When they ask, pretend you don’t have credit cards for ethical reasons, not because you wouldn’t be approved for one.
” I wonder if white men get asked the same question: do they find their choice in white women limiting? If I happen to find a white guy who shares the same values and there’s chemistry, sure! If I’m on a dating site where they ask you and I have to choose, I don’t pick white.” “Have you ever tried to date a white guy? “Actually, my longest relationship – two years – was with a white guy. But as a teenager – all I knew was that I was rebelling against my parents’ traditional ideas.
I promised myself that I would never actively date a white man again. You tout your master’s degree, but you are careful to not talk about how you carry the weight of your school debt because you learned early on that not everyone carries debt the way you do.
I needed to get on solid ground on what it meant to be a Desi, an American, and a racial justice activist. You avoid conversations about how you had to work as a teen or how your parents borrow money from you.
When we broke up ten years ago, we made bets on who would get married first. He reached out a couple of times a year to see how I was doing. He wasn’t the first guy I was in love with, but he was first in many other ways – first boyfriend, first Thanksgiving, first parental unit meeting, first living together. His grandmother made aloo gobi for me at Thanksgiving.
We met when were both in our early twenties working as community organizers in Washington, D. He grew up in a well-to-do family in an idyllic community just outside of D. They had oil paintings on the wall, candlesticks on the dining table, and ordered steak through the mail. I helped unwrap heirloom ornaments for their Christmas tree.
He’s surrounded by folks holding beers or dancing, and behind that the Washington Monument is framed in a picture window.